Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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