i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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