I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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