I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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