oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize