saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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