I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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