Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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