never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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