Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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