I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize