I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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