anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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