I hate all girls vehemently.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize