Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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