I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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