Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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