My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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