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Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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