It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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