I think I am morally bankrupt
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize