i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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