I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wear drunk well.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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