by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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