I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize