I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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