Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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