clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize