What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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