I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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