Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
this beer tastes like vomit already
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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