that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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