I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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