I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize