he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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