Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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