he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize