i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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