i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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