I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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