I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize