Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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