y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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