once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize