So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize