Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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