i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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