I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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