I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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