you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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